I told him he didn’t have to pay me much.

I was 24. Three degrees deep. Just finished my Master’s in Programme Evaluation. Sitting (virtually) across from a founder for my first proper interview, my brain basically going OMG please hire me.

So I told him I’d fit in wherever, at whatever salary he could pay me. I knew I was good at what I did — I said as much — but I didn’t have experience in the field yet. So… pay me whatever. I wasn’t worth that much.

WTF, Nicole.

I got the job. Turned it down on someone else’s advice, thankfully. (Also turned out they weren’t actually a non-profit — they just liked positioning themselves as one. Make of that what you will.)

Then I did it again

A few weeks later, I charged $200 for my first e-commerce build.

In what world?

It was covid. We needed the cash. So — fine. But the project ran for three months. Which, if you do the maths, works out to about $1.60 an hour. (Yes, it wasn’t my only income at the time. Still.)

Did it help in the moment? Yes. Do I regret it now? No. Have I learnt a whole bunch since then? Also yes.

What I know now that I didn’t then

If someone wants hours of skilled work for less than it costs me to run my electricity for the day — that’s a red flag.

If someone wants a full 90-day marketing strategy for $200 — that’s a red flag.

And I don’t say that to be rude. Sometimes budgets are budgets, I really do get it. (Which is also why I offer extended payment plans — because I know life can life.) But I’m also proud of how far I’ve come, and I’m not undoing that to make someone else more comfortable with what they don’t want to pay.

The pattern doesn’t just disappear

Here’s the part I haven’t really said out loud.

That pattern — the not-believing-I’m-worth-more pattern — doesn’t just disappear because you get more experienced. A few years after that $200 client, I landed one that took up all of my time. Add in life, burnout, and 16-hour days just to cover the bills… and I was stuck in the same pattern. Different room. Again.

I’ve recently worked 16-hour days and still had things go completely to shit on my end. Unexpectedly. Not my fault, not my doing — just one of those things. (But that’s a whole post on its own.)

It taught me exactly why pricing well matters. The work — and my 15+ years of experience and 6 years running my own business — is worth it.

Will I go the extra mile for the right client? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Will I do it at the expense of paying my bills and feeding my family? Absolutely not.

That’s the line. And trust me, sometimes it’s still hard to see (#recoveringpeoplepleaser).

What actually broke the loop

What I know now is this: you can’t talk yourself into your worth if you don’t fully believe it yet. Mindset is real — I won’t pretend it isn’t.

But the thing that actually broke the loop for me wasn’t a pep talk or a pricing course.

It was finally getting my own website up (after 3+ years without one) — so my work could finally do the heavy lifting in every DM, on every call, in every interaction. Instead of me.

24-year-old me would not believe what I charge now. But she’d be relieved to know she eventually stopped offering to fit in wherever, for whatever — because she finally had a place where her work could speak for itself.

If you’re reading this and recognising yourself

If you’re stuck in the same pattern, different room — your website might be the thing standing between you and charging what you actually know you’re worth.

I build them in a day.

CHECK OUT WEBSITE IN A DAY HERE.